The first 30 days

At 35, I realized after 10 years of successful non-profit career advancement I needed to make some changes.

I needed to live in a place that met my needs for activities, social, and family. I needed to take some time to focus on wellness. I needed to explore working, as important, but with other things also being important. This was an incredibly difficult and uncomfortable decision. It felt like jumping off a cliff. I was fortunate to have a spouse that fully emotionally stood by me during this process and, that I have been able to build savings to give me the time that I needed.

When I realized that the system that I have loved is not the system that I need for this next part of my journey happened in what has been the most complicated year of my life in the USA. You will see reference to some, but far from all, of the major defining events going on during this metaphorical jumping off a cliff.



The first 30 days after I left my job, I knew would move by quickly and I wanted to be sure to capture at least one item that I did each day.

Overarching goals during this time:
- Pay close attention to all doctor appointments/ instructions - I have put these off for too long and want to change that habit
- Exercise, stretch and possibly yoga
- Improve my Excel skills
- Read a few books
- Move to Washington
- Begin job hunting
- Connect with more of my friends/ family within social distance guidelines



Day 1
Cleaning

Day 2
Netflix

Day 3
Packed

Day 4
Doctors appointment

Day 5
Flew to Seattle
Explored Lacey Washington

Day 6
Job searching

Day 7
Met with the property manager for the new apartment
Hiked Green Mountain with my brother

Day 8
Lazy socially distance AM breakfast with friends in Seattle
Flew back to Texas

Day 9
Outdoor brunch with friends who flew in from Dallas

Day 10
Packed

Day 11
Protested the murder of George Floyd
Went to San Antonio to say goodbye (no hugs 😞) to family/ pick up some yard art

Day 12
Went through two boxes of childhood memorabilia and reduced them to one box

Day 13
COVID 19 test
Finished book, "Stay Alive my Son"

Day 14
Kahn Academy - Excel

Day 15
Hair Cut (Texas is open at the moment)
Started book "Bright Flows the River"

Day 16
Phone calls with family

Day 17
Day surgery (remember those doctors appointments that I have put off)

Day 18
Recovery day
Listening to The Andromeda Strain on Audible

Day 19
Second recovery day
Started the process of address changes for the move

Day 20
Addresses changes done
Finished Andromeda strain

Day 21
Gave all of our remaining food to some in-town family and said goodbye from 6 feet apart with masks on (so unnatural)
Begun listening to the Audible "Deep"

Day 22
Movers loaded up all of our townhouse and we cleaned
Did a test run through for a volunteer award that I am presenting this week via video call (Teams)

Day 23
A post-operation check-up with the doctor, things look good!
Got on an airplane and moved to Seattle

Day 24
Our car arrived
Moved into our new apartment (unaccompanied by our stuff that is still in the truck on the way to WA)
Purchased patio furniture from a locally owned patio store
Took some time to walk around our neighborhood

Day 25
Returned the rental car
Picked up our Target order, we now have Lysol spray, hand soap and; hand sanitizer back in our life :)

Day 26
Did an 11mile hike with a friend at Wallace Dallas state park

Day 27
Called family to reconnect
Hiked St. Edward's state park with Ian

Day 28
Had an attempted social distance coffee and park visit with a friend and her 3 years old, three-year-olds don't understand social distance :)

Day 29
On a whim decided to ride the ferries over to Port Angles. Had outdoor lunch with a friend and then hiked in the Olympic national park.

Day 30
Kept the Olympic national park tour going with a hike along the beach before visiting our cat who is staying with my Brother until I am more moved in.

An open narrative about rejection

I saw the opportunity and thought how amazing would that be. I might as well try because what can it hurt?

I got an e-mail, they would like to talk. My heart fluttered, I might be someone they would be interested in. We talk, its normal. My hope begins to climb, its a slow start up to the overlook of what could be. Anticipation for much too long. My mind begins to reason with my legs. "Legs stop climbing" my mind says. My legs slow but are still climbing.

Another e-mail, they liked what they heard and want to conduct a first interview. I do a few cartwheels towards that overlook and my legs resume normal pace. My mind jumps in and begins to think about all the logistics, I look down and see how much progress I have made towards that overlook. SLOW DOWN, my mind  instructs. I am easily not the most qualified. I prep, I pace, we talk. Critical reflection for much too long. My legs stop my mind questions so many things I did wrong. But, maybe, it might be my opportunity and my legs begin inching me along. My phone rings, they would like to meet me on Skype.

A jump, a jog, I create a 5 tab plan for the Skype interview through my first 90 days. I begin to look at rooms for rent, I can see the overlook, its close, I could sit there for a few moments and be part of it. My head chimes in a few times a day, remember you could easily not be the one. So my brain plans that its a 50/50, my legs do slow but continue moving at a chipper pace.

It happens we see each other virtually. I am well prepared, things go well. I am not a great judge of self performance. three days of replay. My heat decides that were going full force towards the overlook. My mind has a hard time convincing even its self.

A call, this could be it. Were calling this a failed search and will be position again. I trip and begin to roll off the overlooks cliff. I am grabbing at grass, save face, be gracious, get the feedback, say things that will make them like you even though this went poorly.  And as i fall off my brain is working to save my heart.

The answer: me