discovering the way that I can be the best version of myself

Reflections are written and delayed posting not a reflection of current status, but a window into a past moment.

My tendency towards an unreserved highly passionate approach has a tendency to lead me to careers that consume me.

Over a decade ago one such career crashed and exploded around me in a way that at the time felt like the only option. It took me over two months to recover from that job and in the decade since I have been learning about how to care for myself; while allowing my high passion to continue.

Learning self-care was not instant and is far from over but I have made progress, and that commitment to continued learning is one of the habits leading to my highly passionate approach to discovering the way that I can be the best version of myself.

Things I need to reset:

- Unhindered sleep - no worries about not sleeping, sleeping too much or messing up my sleep schedule

- Quiet time

- Nothing

- Time with my spouse

- A clean house

- A bit of excitement, doing something like trying a new restaurant, going to a new part of town or a visit to the local movie theater

- Some basic exercise light yoga or a short walk

- Netflix and chill

- Going to the doctor and taking the time to focus on my health


With this reset, my balanced self begins to emerge. I know that version of me is arriving when I start to have, interest in reading, crafts, socializing, more intensive exercise, and somewhere in there a desire to create, express, learn, grow, expand and achieve.

Over the past few years, I haven't had enough of post-reset time to truly live as my balanced self.  It has been exciting to be so fully immersed, I thrived under the high demands, my highly passionate approach was thriving. Things began to change. I found that I crave the more balanced version of myself and started to actively exploring how to pull away from the constant demands just enough to give me more recovery time. I committed to going to the doctor and taking the time to focus on my health and have made the appointments. I have been taking PTO, not for any specific reason but because it is important to give me the rest. I am check-in in on myself to ensure I am resetting. I am tracking how long its been since I engaged in things I love like reading and creating. I am learning more about who I am and what I need.

Tomorrow

Reflections are written and delayed posting not a reflection of current status, but a window into a past moment.

Cant do it all

To be a high achiever

or an overachiever

I find that I excel in the face of unimaginable challenges where many before me have faltered and where the stakes are unimaginably high and the oceans continue to rises.



But I do it at a cost

There are weeks that I don't talk to friend and family that I love

There are days where the sun it out and the weather is perfect and I am overwhelmed by the though of leaving my apartment.

It is not depression its just exhaustion.

A deep physical and emotional need to hibernate for a day and to re-charge.

Tomorrow I'll go outside.

Tomorrow I'll call my mom

Tomorrow I'll be ready to take on the evolving humanitarian needs in America.

Day 7 #7DaysOfSocialMediaVulnerabilityChallenge2017

What did I learn about myself?: I am easily wooed by the “likes” “Loves” and comments. The dopamine high is real, and when one day I get 89 and the next only 15, I feel the crash of disappointment. My logical brain says it could be a million other factors (the time of the post, the day, or any of the other reasons that I did not appear at the top of my Facebook friends news feed) but the crash is felt none the less.

What feelings did I have?: There have been many moments of self doubt, nervousness and uncertainty as from idea inception to just before hitting post. My commitment to follow through persevered over all other feelings. I am glad that I pre-wrote the first 6 days (Today's post is being written in real time). I manage social media accounts at work and on a few days posting on my personal feed just felt like work, and I was glad that I had pre -developed content to fall back on.

Do I have any next steps?: Not yet, I do have a nice long drive tomorrow so another idea might present itself.

Self- Awareness for Leaders, Employees and Organizations.

As my post at the end of September alluded I have been on a journey reading and processing the book "The Why of Work" By Dave and Wendy Ulrich. The Ulriches and the book have a web site: http://thewhyofwork.com/ . 

After quickly being captured by some startling research and time contemplating the section titled 'Leaders who focus on Meaning create an abundant response', I took a few weeks to think about the "Seven Questions that Drive Abundance". Last week I reviewed employee contributions thus naturally bringing me to self - awareness.

The Ulrich's challenge readers to: "for 20 minutes, write whatever comes to mind describing what your life would look like five years from today if you had become your best self and all your dreams were realized."

I spent an afternoon with my husband looking into our future. I ask him to do this with me from time to time as I sense that major life decisions are upon us. The next 20 min of reflection and writing are based upon this long term vision we have for ourselves.

In five years time.
- We will have both secured career focused jobs in the sectors we desire in a top choice location.
- We will physically be healthy with opportunities to do engaging physically activities.
- Our interactions with community will be mentally and creatively engaging.
- Our child will be adopted and be successfully transiting into our family.
- We will have diversified savings.
- We will no longer be renters.
- Our lifestyle will be reflective of our beliefs, alternative energy, quality food, positively sourced goods.
- Our concepts of the world will have readjusted as we have had the opportunity to meaningfully engage with a nation we have never visited.
- We will smile often
- Visit family and friends
- Be in pursuit of an idea that we had ( we have these all the time but have yet to dive in).

When I conceptualize this so very much revolves around physical space and a feeling within my community. Having moved and lived all over the world a strong sense of hometown is not a priority but a home that I love and a community that I am genuinely connected with are a priority. 

So much unknown in the years ahead, I guess most of life since completion of undergrad has been this way. The path not clearly marked and like on so many hikes you are not quite sure what you will find at the end but the whole experience is the purpose of the hike, if you wanted a vista or overlook you could have driven to it and saved the time and energy.