stress about the state of the world

In a round about way this is a 9 month follow up to our 2018 donation goals and post that I made.

I am feeling an overwhelming stress about the state of the world.

We live a low impact life. Could we be better of course, but we are very low impact western metropolitan professionals.
- No kids
- Walk/ public transit to work
- Vegetarian (me)
- Any chance we can we buy things that are organic, sustainable and ethically produced

I have spent the past 20 years working on human development objectives (education, immigration, safe work environments, conflict resolution, community preparedness and resiliency).

My partner works in health care.

I have been to two protests in the past 4 months

We donate in an intentional way, 2017 was environmentally focused, 2018 is about creating a space for free speech 

But it just does not feel like enough. The stress and concern about the state of the world continues.

Tonight I feel my heart rate elevated and my jaw clenching as I think about trying to fall asleep and know that rights are being denied across the around the world and that climate change is occurring at an unexpectedly high rate.

As I write this I realize that I think it can all be boiled down to those two large statements.

Perhaps is the positive adrenaline from 2 donations (I was a bit behind in the monthly rotation) tonight. One supporting a K-6 art program in Texas, one supporting a local news paper in MN.

Perhaps its that we just purchased a high end water filter (Houston water is some of the scariest drinking water in a major us city).

Perhaps its that it is just late enough that I am getting overly sleepy and I know that I have a busy day making my small slice of the world better.

and perhaps its writing this down and helping streamline my thinking on it.

But whatever the reason I feel that my jaw slacken and my heart rate slow and that I might be able to fall asleep tonight. With tomorrow as a new day to consider how I can make an even larger impact on this world as we know it.

I'm still smiling

A glimpse into a crazy week in my life, early 2018.

Friday
730am meeting with civic leaders about racial equity in the city.

9am our fully re plumbed house passed inspection.

945am our attic is re insulated

1030am movers arrive to load up our 3 u boxes

1130am I give an overview of the Red Cross in our community to an alumni group that graduated in the 40's and 50's

130pm the movers finish up

2pm teeth cleaned at the dentist

3pm Ian surprised me by coming home for an unplanned visit.

Saturday:

2pm I moved into my 5 week air bnb.

4pm Ian and I go for a walk and he gets bit by a dog.

All night trip to the ER

Sunday: 

9am Ian is having typical flu like symptoms from the vaccine.

3pm I finish moving out of the house and get it cleaned up.

Monday:

9am drywallers start to repair the holes from the plumbers.  

10am I have a job interview in the morning 

6pm I am receiving the game ball from the globe trotters.

Tuesday:

2pm another job interview 

3:30pm working with my board chair to write a grant. 

5pm Ian to have the second rabies vaccination and heads back to New Mexico.

Wednesday: 

1pm another job interview 

5:30pm event planning committee meeting

7pm drywallers finish. 

8pm: Final clean up at the house.

Thursday:

10am Staff meeting 

11:30am philanthropy committee meeting 

2pm House closing 

Friday: 

10am Hair appointment.

1pm back to work

And a deep breath.

And I am still smiling 

An open narrative about rejection

I saw the opportunity and thought how amazing would that be. I might as well try because what can it hurt?

I got an e-mail, they would like to talk. My heart fluttered, I might be someone they would be interested in. We talk, its normal. My hope begins to climb, its a slow start up to the overlook of what could be. Anticipation for much too long. My mind begins to reason with my legs. "Legs stop climbing" my mind says. My legs slow but are still climbing.

Another e-mail, they liked what they heard and want to conduct a first interview. I do a few cartwheels towards that overlook and my legs resume normal pace. My mind jumps in and begins to think about all the logistics, I look down and see how much progress I have made towards that overlook. SLOW DOWN, my mind  instructs. I am easily not the most qualified. I prep, I pace, we talk. Critical reflection for much too long. My legs stop my mind questions so many things I did wrong. But, maybe, it might be my opportunity and my legs begin inching me along. My phone rings, they would like to meet me on Skype.

A jump, a jog, I create a 5 tab plan for the Skype interview through my first 90 days. I begin to look at rooms for rent, I can see the overlook, its close, I could sit there for a few moments and be part of it. My head chimes in a few times a day, remember you could easily not be the one. So my brain plans that its a 50/50, my legs do slow but continue moving at a chipper pace.

It happens we see each other virtually. I am well prepared, things go well. I am not a great judge of self performance. three days of replay. My heat decides that were going full force towards the overlook. My mind has a hard time convincing even its self.

A call, this could be it. Were calling this a failed search and will be position again. I trip and begin to roll off the overlooks cliff. I am grabbing at grass, save face, be gracious, get the feedback, say things that will make them like you even though this went poorly.  And as i fall off my brain is working to save my heart.

The answer: me

Giving gives energy

I'm feeling drained.

Not in a bad way, in a good way.

Where you have been productive, accomplished much but the adrenaline is fading.

The 12 hour Netflix binge from last week has wore off.

Needing a boost to get me through the next 45 min, I remembered that its the end of the month so its my donation week. This month is the AIDS quilt. A quick trip online and a few moments latter, donation made and energy levels lifted.

Off to a final push of things before I am done for the day.

What makes me upset about how the world works?

My longest running social passion is clothing manufacturing. When I was in middle school I helped launch a local chapter of Kids Can Free the Children to help address the social injustice that children faced by the demand for cheap clothing. It has become expected that fashion will change and new items are needed to be socially acceptable. People expect low cost clothing and have often decided not to care or think about the impact that low cost clothing has on those producing it.

I have spent the past 5 years working with a focus on prevention and mitigation from natural disasters. Interrelated to this passion is a passion for environmental preservation. Disaster related human suffering can be greatly reduced. If people are educated and have the resources to prevent disaster impacts. This suffering can be reduced even further if whole community mitigation actions are taken. The investment now saves lives.

When I reflect and think about any of the numerous challenges we face often the solution that I come up with that would truly have the power to solve the challenge is based in education. Sadly education is not as strong as it could be across the globe. Investment in educational programs and opportunities is desperately needed if we want to see real change in the future.

I could go on, while many things make me upset, I know that solutions exist and I am willing to work to move our collective humanity towards them. 

Day 7 #7DaysOfSocialMediaVulnerabilityChallenge2017

What did I learn about myself?: I am easily wooed by the “likes” “Loves” and comments. The dopamine high is real, and when one day I get 89 and the next only 15, I feel the crash of disappointment. My logical brain says it could be a million other factors (the time of the post, the day, or any of the other reasons that I did not appear at the top of my Facebook friends news feed) but the crash is felt none the less.

What feelings did I have?: There have been many moments of self doubt, nervousness and uncertainty as from idea inception to just before hitting post. My commitment to follow through persevered over all other feelings. I am glad that I pre-wrote the first 6 days (Today's post is being written in real time). I manage social media accounts at work and on a few days posting on my personal feed just felt like work, and I was glad that I had pre -developed content to fall back on.

Do I have any next steps?: Not yet, I do have a nice long drive tomorrow so another idea might present itself.

Day 6 #7DaysOfSocialMediaVulnerabilityChallenge2017

I spent so many years with just enough income to be OK. It has only been in the past few years that we have started to have enough that we are in a place to give back. As I shared yesterday I love to plan. This past year we had a charitable giving focus on non profits that were doing positive work in water system clean up and preservation. See my blog post from last year if you want to learn more http://surrealvolunteering.blogspot.com/2017/01/middle-class-donation-2017-guide.html

In 2018 I think our society needs to foster places of honesty and dissent. Telling stories that are not click generators but hold truth. This year I have selected the following four places that we will donate to. 

National Public Radio-  a big player in the media space. . https://www.npr.org/ I listen to them almost daily and while they lean left, I hear voices from both sides and stories that are followed because they are important not because they have funding tied to them.

The Stillwater Current - a small voice in the media space.  http://www.stillwatercurrent.com/ Local independent news is going away. Helping keep locally owned voices is important. I grew up in Minnesota and am excited to support news in my home state.

AIDS quilt: http://www.aidsquilt.org/ AIDS remains taboo across our society while it continues to impact those we love. This project helps raise awareness and helps keep the conversation moving forward.

Fourth this year is going to be helping fund high school art teacher projects via Donors Choose. The first project we will be supporting is this one: https://www.donorschoose.org/project/block-printmaking-art-ernative/2773345/ Art is a path to understanding, conversation and expression. Giving students resources to help explore their thoughts is critical as we see our freedom of expression being questioned.

We have at this point established a few ongoing charities that we support

Goodwill industries – The method of used items to create employment opportunity model gives so many a chance for employment who would otherwise fall through the cracks. We support them through routine donation of used items.

Big Brothers Big Sisters – I have been volunteering with them for over a year and expect to continue that into 2018. I support their various fundraising events (5k’s and restaurant give back nights) 

The United Way -  This is an opportunity to touch many non-profits in a collective community approach. 

The American Red Cross - This cornerstone of the American nonprofit landscape needs our support year round.

Rotary - I am active with the local Rotary, my club has a monthly monetary donation in support of the local food bank, thus through my rotary contributions I will be supporting both Rotary and the Food Bank.

A few things to note about this strategy.

1.    While this sounds like a lot, we break it down where different organizations get donations on different months helping keep to our budget. – I set calendar reminders to help me remember who I have slated to donate to each month (Did I mention I love to plan).

2.    The total that we plane to give across these is less than $2,000.

3.    I attempt to amplify my gift by following social media accounts and sharing twitter updates when I donate.

4.    We rarely if ever give to spontaneous asks such as at the supermarket or our workplace, this helps keep us focused and on budget while we donate to causes that help our society.